The Great Below
by Ravenly
Summary: Short fic about Nathan's thoughts as he drifts away from Shilo.


This comes from not having enough sleep, and my foggy, blocked brain. This is completely different from anything I've written lately, so…don't shoot me if it's not great Everything in this belongs to other people. Should they ever read it, I just hope they enjoy it.

Remember kiddies, feedback to writers is like water to flowers, so water a writer today.

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The Great Below  
Ravenly

_"Shilo, your mother's calling me." – Nathan Wallace_

The world is cold; liquid. I'm weightless. There is no light, only darkness. But more than darkness; even in the dark I can usually make out shapes. Here there is nothing but black.

I'm floating in a black sea.

The only sounds that touch my ears is a familiar sobbing. So close, but so far away.

"Marni?" I whisper, but even my own voice seems to only sound in my head. This place with its nothingness has stolen my sight and my sound. But still, I can hear. The sobbing is closer now, surrounding me.

"_Daddy?"_

Ah, yes. Shilo. My Shi. She's so close, I can feel her. Yet, she's still so far away. I'm struggling now, trying to force myself to _feel_. To not be so damned weightless. But I can't tell where my arms are; my legs. There is nothing.

And then a touch. A sigh. And I am suddenly reminded of that night, the best night, and lights flash before my eyes, blinding me for a moment. And there is her face.

_Marni._

She is looking at me, brown eyes half closed, red lips parted just so I can see the tips of her teeth and the tiny point of her tongue between them. Her black hair spread out under her, mingling in the sand and surf. Skin so soft, so pale, such a contrast to the black sand under her. Cool waves gently wash over our legs as I push myself into her again and again, deeper with every trust; I'm in awe of her warmth, her wetness that surrounds me. Her nails are at my back, scratching deep.

_Ah this is ecstasy._

And before that, I had been standing at the shore-line, watching the black water lap at the black sand. The only beach left where were bodies weren't throw into the ocean. I'd been here for hours with nothing but the cold full moon to watch over me, staring at the sea, wondering _will she come?_ And when I had just about given up, she was there, and I took her to the sand and we made love for hours as the sea washed over us.

As suddenly as it came, it was gone. The memory of that night, the first of far too few of our short love affair, vanishes from my mind and I am left again with the nothingness and the sound of my daughter's sobbing.

So, is this what it has come to? Is there no hope left for me? I'm dying, I know. The sea draws me in, further and further I'm leaving the sound of my daughter's cries. I can feel it now, the soft sway of the sea pulling me. Pulling me.

No.

_No!_ After all is said and done, I did all of this for you. I've done nothing but spoil and waste my life. All of this, Marni, all of this was for _you_.

I can see her face again, see the beach behind her. She's beckoning me, hand raised, calling me to her. The air is still, the sea unmoving. The moon is grey, the stars are extinguished. The world has closed her eyes to me. There is only me. There is only Marni. All these years gone all I've wanted was her, was this, this happy moment re-lived. For all that we could have done in this world had she not left me.

She smiles, she calls my name, but I cannot hear it. I can only hear Shilo.

_Shilo._

She is ours, I want to say to Marni. She is ours and I cannot leave her in this world alone. No. I look at Marni's sweet, sweet face. Seventeen years have passed and all I've wanted to do was see that spark in her eyes. _No._ Shilo. She is _mine_. I shake my head and Marni disappears again into the blackness. For all that could have been, the only good thing we'd done in our whole lives was Shilo.

My God, what had I done to our daughter? What monster had I become even to her? Oh, it's all so clear, this destiny I chose, my decent from grace. All of it, all our child's world in the hands of a monster. There is nothing I can do to redeem myself, not now, not in this dying place. But can I save Shilo from this same fate?

I fight again, harder this time. I can hear the whisper of the sea, trying to draw me close. I can hear Marni's voice now, calling me back, telling me to let go. I pull and tug, surprised by my own strength. The sea is gone, light blinds my vision, and here is Shilo's beautiful, tear streaked face staring down at me.

"Dad, be still." She whispers, drawing my head into her lap.

"Shi, your mother's calling me." I touch her cheek, surprise lifts me, seeing the blood I smear there. She's crying and I want her to stop. Oh, baby, don't cry for me. Don't cry for this monster I've become. I close my eyes, only a second. When they open again, Shilo is telling me she loves me. My heart swells and my own tears start to fall. Oh, baby, I love you so much. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I've kept from you, so much I should have taught you.

The currents are finally having their say, I can tell the time is drawing near to the end. They'll wash me from her life. Make me disappear. So much I need to say, but all that comes out is "Change the world for me."

And the light is gone. Shilo's face all but a memory. The sea wraps me in her arms again, the undertow taking me down into the dark depths of nothingness. Marni. I can feel you. I've always known you were near, watching over me. So close, so far away. Marni, I'm coming. Shilo, I love you. Somehow I'm ready. I'm letting it all go, and I know it's time to take my place in the great below.

Fin

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Normally, I really hate song fics. This one just kinda had to come out. Hope you enjoyed it.


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